As If My Angels Weren’t Enough…

Behind closed doors we heard their laughter and screams

And we rushed our clothes on

No bath, no shower, quick knicker change, a bit of lippy

We clock watched, grabbing every second of liberty and tuned out of the regular NightGarden

We open the bedroom door to release feeble goodbyes, ignoring pulls and tugs on our clothes for us to stay

We escaped parenthood for the night

As I giggled and he clinked the keys, we slammed the door shut and the cold bit our faces

Never mind

We left them sleeping at home and made the most of their aunt off duty

My Angels

 

I pulled him closer in the cold but his weight leant no warmth

I pulled my chin into my scarf and my eyes drew shut

And in that moment I wasn’t sure if my liberty was a sweet as it seemed

With a shuffle of my heels, we soon stepped into a dimly light,

shadow casting,

love promising,

wine drowning,

cocktail swaying bar

Closed off from the outside world; only the coming and going of guests let the outside in.

 

“I flirted and he smiled”

 

We sat perched up and I twirled my straw while he stroked my hand

I flirted and he smiled

And one sip after another the purpose of this establishment became apparent

Apparently the more you drank the sweeter it tasted

And the sweeter it got, the edges rubbed off

And everyone looked in the same sweet mood with the candle light flickering all over them

 

I did not want to leave my stool for I had sat down, for once, without a nag

or a poop

or a “mum”

or a “I want”

or a tug

or a jump

My body was my own for a minute, my bubble was intact, and my mind was shutting off

But He pulls me off my stool and reminds me of our dinner

Dinner

Bliss

I could have it hot for once

If it wasn’t for the fact that it was Sushi this time

 

The walk was horrible, my toes were out

In the height of sexy, I threw caution to the wind

But She threw it right back at me

Bitch!

He held my hand and I looked at him

And I was happy

I was happy

That it had been a long road to here

And I was happy about our story

And it was amazing when it’s amazing and hard when it’s hard

But all the more Happy

That Bitch hit me again

And then I complained

Of the Cold

Ha!

 

“That Bitch walked down the road with us again”

 

We reached our restaurant with love in the air

A safe place, we always felt our hearts on our sleeves there

A guaranteed romantic, fix any problems, talk of any issues

Get it off your chest haven

Guaranteed to make you feel in love again

But with a smile we were turned away

The Kitchen was closed

And our smiles turned to frowns

 

We asked the manager to ask the kitchen, please

I watched her in the kitchen waiting a second, two seconds, three seconds

Then she asked the chef

And his hat shook

So we left

Burger?

Burger?

Ok

 

That Bitch walked down the road with us again

And not so happy, we cursed the time

The cold

The chef

We needed one minute, two minutes, three minutes back to eat

Never mind

We held hands

 

“I didn’t realise he was worried”

 

From a distance two headlights soared up the road towards us

The car bounced with the gear change

And the engine’s noise in the silent night grew louder

The smoke travelled up thickening the dark air

 

We took some steps forward

Our pace

slowed

down

He clutched my hand

I wasn’t sure why

I thought he was doing his normal car watching

I didn’t realise he was worried

 

“I screamed”

 

 

The car sped faster, grew closer

The lights got brighter, bigger and the noise got louder

The time stood still

But in a blink

It swerved into the curve of the road, with the screech of a tire

Going too fast the driver couldn’t recover

And as it tried to pull forward

At 70 miles per hour

My hair flicked round as my head turned to watch this personal race fail

Smash into the parked cars and jump straight across the pavement.

He held my hand

I screamed

He jumped

FUCK

The car was 3 meters away from us

Are you okay honey? He shouted

The car was 3 meters away from us

The lights were so bright

One Two Three

And now the smoke was so high

The car was destroyed, and so was the one in front of it and the one in front of that one

 

He let go of my hand and ran to the offender

Dead he must be, I couldn’t see

The door swung open, miraculously the driver jumped out

Swearing and cursing

Pushing and shoving

And then I scrambled to my phone

 

I didn’t feel the cold anymore while I stood there watching this commotion

This short man bouncing on drugs and adrenalin trying to flee

My husband and passer bys trying to contain him

Finally the sirens were heard

I didn’t feel the cold anymore

He was face down on the floor cuffed and sat on

I wondered how cold the pavement must’ve been on his cheek

 

He took my hand and walked us to the late night Chinese Take Away

Chinese, my mind didn’t comprehend

Silence consumed us, numb

Where was that Bitch when you needed her

To remind you and make you feel again

 

We got home and we didn’t eat, we hardly spoke

I went straight up the stairs to my babies

My angels

We were only 3 meters away

My angels

Slept soundly, safely in their beds

 

We then went to bed and thanked our Angels